The Power of Twitter

The hashtag #whatstigma is currently trending on Twitter in the UK. It was started a few hours ago by someone aiming to remove the stigma from mental illness, and since then it has received hundreds of responses from people confessing their mental health difficulties. "Confessing" shouldn't be the word, but unfortunately, due to the above mentioned stigma, it is. Admitting you have a mental illness can be even more humiliating than admitting you have an STD.

I never tell people about my depression or anxiety unless I know them very well, and sometimes not even then. Whenever I start a new job, I keep it quiet. I did once admit to some colleagues that I was taking anti-depressants, but that was after I'd been working there for over a year. The subject never came up again.

Why do I keep it quiet? That's simple. I don't want people to think differently of me because I have a mental illness. I don't want to scare away potential new friends. I want people to know me for me, and not for my illness. It's a sad fact that people are judged when they suffer from mental illness, but it's true. You only have to glance at the tabloids or watch the TV to find that out. If someone suspected of a crime is revealed to have suffered from mental illness in the past, the media will latch on to that fact, and use it as 'proof' that the person should be locked up. The mentally ill are seen as dangerous, as undesirables.

A few years ago, I was watching an episode of the Ricky Gervais comedy Extras, which I normally enjoy. Ashley Jensen's character Maggie was trying to set up Ricky Gervais's character Andy with one of her friends, who "has trouble meeting men because she's clinically depressed". Andy refused, saying "I don't want to go out with a psychopath! Slashing herself when she forgets to take her lithium ...". I know that Extras is just a sitcom, and that Andy isn't supposed to be an entirely sympathetic character, but I worry that that exchange is a true reflection of people's attitudes. Watching it made me feel belittled, and it enforced the idea in my mind that I was destined to end up alone.

My one serious relationship before K broke up because of my mental health difficulties. M said that he was constantly afraid for me, and that he didn't want to be in a relationship based on fear. Looking back, I can see that his attitude was cowardly, and that if he really loved me he would have tried to help me through my struggles with depression instead of just running away. But at the time, it made me feel like I didn't deserve love. That I was 'less than'.

I refuse to feel that way any more.

The #whatstigma hashtag has made me feel hopeful. Many, many people are sharing their experiences, coming out from hiding, saying to the world that they are mentally ill. I know it's only a drop in the ocean (a 'teaspoon', as they would say at Shakesville), but maybe it will cause some people to stop and think, and that's a start.

I started this blog because I wanted to be open and frank about my mental illness, for once. And now I know I'm not alone.